VSU mourns former Spectator editor and 40′s enthusiast Jorge Eduardo Ramirez Trejo IIICommemorative Article
Darkside Reports

The Spectator’s Darkside and Opinion editor Jorge Eduardo Ramirez Trejo III died last night at 11:35 p.m. of complications due to a 40′s-related accident.

Ramirez was celebrating his 21st birthday with some of his fraternity brothers at the Kappa Sigma house where he collapsed after funneling nine 40-ounce beers in less than eight minutes. He passed out and fell face-first into a pile of mud. Attendants to the celebration dismissed his situation thinking it was just another joke.

“He usually passes out in the mud to attract chicks,” Jonathan Myers, a junior, public relations major and member of Kappa Sigma said.

Paramedics were called to the fraternity house at 4:00 a.m. when neighbors complained about the smell. Later that morning, Ramirez’s autopsy revealed a classic 40-ounce beer overdose. Funeral services will be held at the Kappa Sigma house this Friday at 4:00 p.m.

“Ramirez will be long remembered for his contributions to this college. He was undergoing special training to become my personal assistant when he graduated,” president Zaccari said.

Ramirez is better-known for his contribution to the Spectator, for one year his editorial page won numerous awards including Best Editorial, Best Satire and Writer of the Year from the Georgia College Press Association. His editorial “Quantum physics and capitalism in the southern colonies” was published by the New York Times and LeMonde. His book “Advanced Thermodynamics and 40′s” was nominated for the junior Pulitzer award.

The student’s sudden death also brought grief to the Science Department at VSU. Ramirez was actively engaged in finding a cure for cancer with Dr. John Elder.

“We were only five amino-acids away from finding a cure, he was the only one who knew what they were but last night he took them to the grave,” Dr. Elder said.

The scientific group led by Ramirez was also approaching the discovery of a catalyst converter that would only cost $500 and would allow gas-operated vehicles to run on salt water. “He was a great guy and my mentor. His discoveries would’ve easily landed him a Nobel Prize. The guy was succinct,” Tucker Irwin, a senior, biology major, said.

Many people have gathered around the Spectator offices demanding the Darkside and Editorial sections never be printed again in Ramirez’s honor.

“We feel like there is no one who will ever compare to him. My first kiss was while reading one of his columns and my wife’s first baby was born while she was looking at one of his cartoons,” Neal Folger, a senior, mass media major, said.

The Spectator received a letter from presidents George W. Bush and Vicente Fox of Mexico expressing their condolences to his co-workers and friends.

“He shall be remembered as one of the funniest cartoonists ever,” the letter read.

A group that has expressed less support of Ramirez’s death are the BSU and the Christian Student Center.

“We knew he was sinful and thus, we had a group of 45 praying for his soul to enter heaven. We got tired after five minutes so many guys quit, the last praying-person quit three minutes ago when he realized a new episode of Seventh Heaven came on,” said Jimmy Charles McMillan, a senior, criminal justice major, said.

The Chancellor of the Board of Regents of the University System of Georgia Erroll B. Davis Jr., will meet with VSU officials to change the name of West Hall to the Jorge Eduardo Ramirez Trejo III English Center.

Ramirez was born in San Luis Potosi, Mexico on April 22, 1985. He was born to a poor family, his father was a peanut salesman and his mother was a professional ballet dancer. They did not have money and often had to eat the peanuts his father didn’t sell. He found a copy of Aristotle’s “Politics” in the woods when he was 5 years old. After teaching himself to read he became an erudite contributor to philosophical publications to whom he wrote under the pseudonym of Colonel Harwswoth Worcestershire Von Fortꮼp> “We are proud of college students who put the name of our products so high,” Augustus Busch IV, president of Anheuser-Busch, said.

The company is planning a commemorative label for their 40 ounce Budweiser beer featuring Ramirez and other famous college students like Jim Belushi, Van Wilder, Frank “The Tank” Ricard, and Zach (Saved by the Bell: The College Years) Morris.

“He was our best editor, you rarely see people as talented and attractive as him, definetly a man’s man,” said Johnna Pinholster, Spectator editor-in-chief.

A vigil in honor of Ramirez will be held Monday at 8 p.m., the administration has allowed the student body to bring 40s and candles so they can place them in front of West Hall.

“I want the whole world to laugh until they pee their pants, it is my mission to make everybody happy or else I’ll give them their money back,” Ramirez said in his last recorded interview.