Jessica, a junior in college, was about a month into her fall semester when she got news that her father was gravely ill. Her mother quietly suggested that she come home as soon as possible because the doctors were not sure how long her father had to live. Jessica calmly accepted the news and came home. A couple days later, Jessica’s father passed away. After the funeral, she decided to take the rest of the semester off to try and give herself some time and to help her mother.

She was glad there were so many things to take care of and tried to keep very busy so she didn’t have to think about her father. She came back after winter break and tried to start classes again, but she couldn’t seem to shake the grief. She thought she had given herself enough time and was over it, but a wave of sorrow hit her that was worse than anything she had felt since the death. “What’s wrong with me?” she thought. “Why can’t I just get over this?” She tried not to think about it and go back to her regular activities, but it seemed that everything she did reminded her that her father was gone and would never be there again. She didn’t want to go home because she knew her father wouldn’t be there when she walked through the door. She didn’t get excited when she made a good grade because she couldn’t call her dad and hear him congratulate her. Jessica was at a loss. She was angry with herself for taking so long to get back to normal and was losing hope that she would ever stop hurting. She sat down on her couch exasperated and asked

“What Now?”

Grief is a universal hurt. It is not just felt over the loss of a person, but also the loss of a dream, relationship or anything big, everyone has felt it or will feel it at some point. It’s a difficult thing to go through, and it’s a difficult thing to watch a friend or family member go through. Many people are at a loss on how to deal with grief and how to help others while they go through grief.

According to John Grotgen, associate director of the Counseling Center, one of the healthiest things you can do if you are grieving is allow yourself to feel the pain and not try to rush the process. Be gentle with yourself and don’t be angry because you think you should be over it by now.

“Getting over it isn’t the issue,” Grotgen said. “Learning to take your losses with you is the issue.”

Talk about the person and talk about what you are going through. Don’t try to just sweep it under the rug. According to Grotgen, the best people to talk to may be friends or family members who are also experiencing the loss because they understand what you are going through the most. Don’t isolate yourself and be sure to ask for help when you need it.

After the initial sorrow has passed, it may help to try to do something new. According to Grotgen, learning to do things he or she used to depend on a deceased person for can help a grieving person grow from the grief.

According to Grotgen, if you have a friend or family member that is grieving, the best this you can do is just being there for the person. Don’t tell them not to cry and be patient with them if they want to talk or cry a lot. Even if you think they should be over it, everyone grieves differently. Try to be as helpful and understanding g as possible. Even if you are rejected, let the person know you are still there if you are needed.

Remember that you will always have memories of the person, but you will not always have the sorrow that’s during grieving. Eventually you will be able to carry the memories with a lot less pain and grow from the experience. Don’t neglect your health and take care of yourself.