Joanna always had a very close relationship with her mother throughout her childhood. Her mother never missed a PTA meeting, Field trip or dance recital. She always gave Joanna advice and was always there to help, even if Joanna didn’t want her to. Joanna liked and appreciated her mother being so involved, but sometimes she got a little annoyed by it.
Joanna was almost at the end of her first semester at VSU and she was getting more annoyed by her mother than she ever had before. If Joanna spent money, she wanted to know why. If     Joanna went somewhere, her mother wanted to know where. If she got a bad grade, her mother demanded why and would always call the professor. In fact, each of her professors got regular calls from Joanna’s mother.  Joanna didn’t know what to do. She had started lying to her mother about what she did and stopped calling her as much. Her mother was hurt by Joanna not calling and suspected lying. Joanna didn’t like lying but she didn’t know what else to do. She was afraid of hurting her mother’s feeling and felt bad because her mom was paying for a lot of her school. Thinking of her mother on one hand and a little freedom on the other, Joanna wonders “what now?”

In some families it can be harder for your parent to have you go to college, than you to cope with starting college. You might have to also deal with your parent still being super involved even from a few hundred miles away. You can do some things to try to be an adult without destroying your relationship with your parent.

According to Leah McMillan, licensed marriage and family therapist, it is important to be open and honest with your parents about the way you are feeling.  Don’t try to hide the things you do from them, just explain simply that you want to try to do things on your own and maybe you don’t feel like they trust you because they won’t let you. If you don’t tell them, they won’t know and might end up getting hurt by what they assume.

When you do ask your parents to let you go more, be prepared to handle it when it happens. According to McMillan, it is important for students to understand they will be held accountable themselves when they are out in the real world. If you do get a chance at freedom and you start making obvious bad decision after bad decision, then you are not going to help your situation. Think about what you’re going to do before you do it.

According to McMillan, when you are trying to work with your parents, be patient. Understand that this is hard for them too.

“It is difficult for a child to no longer need you,” said McMillan. “[It is] breaking a habit.”

You’re parents took care of you for a long time and they are in unfamiliar territory. Assert what you want, but do it in a gentle, understanding way.

Don’t be ungrateful to your parents, but don’t feel guilty about wanting freedom. It’s important for you to feel like an adult. The work world is coming up fast and you need the confidence and experience to be able to cope with it. Just be clear with your parents and help them understand that what you need now is different from what you needed as a child.