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Kenny Bush’s Last Call

This being my last article as a VSU student, I thought that I would take time and reminisce about my time spent here at VSU. But then I remembered that you don’t read these articles because we share a deep, personal relationship.
It’s last call Blazers, and here are some things that I would like you to remember:
Politicians are glorified door-to-door salesmen. I don’t care how much you like the brand, always be wary of the product they’re selling and don’t hesitate to slam the door in their face if you suspect a bad deal.
Political debate shouldn’t be a fight between who’s right and who’s wrong. It should be a discussion over which policy is the lesser evil.
Don’t treat your political party like your favorite sports team. By that, I mean don’t treat your party leaders as gods and make excuses for them when they mess up. On a related note, with corporations free to donate as much money as they want into a political candidate, it’s possible that the next president-elect can just buy the presidency like the Yankees buying another World Series victory.
Boobs don’t cause earthquakes, but further study revealed that this would be the first sentence you read in this article. Excuse me readers, my introduction is up “here.”
Cell phones and social networking will be the downfall of mankind. Honestly, how many times have you assumed someone was mad at you because they didn’t reply to a text or a ‘poke?’
Don’t use Communist, Fascist, or Socialist as prefixes in a political argument. If you can’t resist, then please don’t use them interchangeably. Any dictionary would explain why your argument suddenly became invalid.
“The Daily Show” is not news, it’s only the punch line. The real joke is our American media and political system.
You’re never entitled to a free ride. I don’t care if you did two homework assignments in one night, had three projects due on the same day, and/or ate your vegetables. Do the work, make the grade, eat your greens, and don’t be surprised when you have to do it all over again next week.
Political rage has gotten completely out of hand, but I don’t blame the Tea Partiers for yelling at Pelosi because she was practically baiting them. I don’t care what excuse she makes, it would be like me walking in on Donovan Head’s birthday party expecting nothing but smiles and a piece of cake.
Take responsibility for your actions. It’s not the teacher’s fault if you fail a class, it’s not a cop’s fault if you get a speeding ticket, and it’s not my fault that you don’t like hearing that.
Speaking of which; don’t allow yourself to become selectively ignorant. Just because you don’t like what you hear doesn’t make it automatically wrong. You can say Santa Claus is real all you want, Richard, but it doesn’t change the fact that I caught your parents putting the Xbox under your tree last year.
Eat your greens yet? You should. They’re good for you.
There is no doubt that all eyes in the world are on America. We are, without a doubt, the captain of the varsity football team. When the grades come in, however, we’re nowhere close to becoming valedictorian.
Have a nice life, Blazers! VSU is your problem now.

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