As a child I was told to hold out—“wait ‘til you find the right one.” Of course, I didn’t listen…I just had to know what my besties were talking about in high school and so that’s where my trouble, like a lot of us, began.
Being in a relationship was simple in high school. There were rules like we date or talk for a while and then if we like each other we go out and then I think about putting it out.
Now that you’re in college it’s like everybody has options. What you’re not willing to do, the broad that sits behind you in ENGL 1101 will, and it’s not a problem for her because she’s been down since high school.
Since you and your goods have morals and think “I’m too good for that, I’ll definitely find better,” you’re definitely out there trying to find better.
And here’s where dating and sex get complicated. Where do you draw the line?
There are the girls who don’t give it up almost that whole first year of dating. They are the ones that make it up for having sex before marriage. It’s like a sacrilege or something to enter through her gates.
But what does she gain? There’s almost no guarantee, that’s he doing the same for you. Yet, you can really get to see his true colors for what they are and can save yourself another one of those bitter rants, tears and a bucket of ice cream if it doesn’t work out.
Then there’s the insurance policy: “the three months rule.” Those are the ones that know they’re giving it up, but want to see just how far you’ll go just to get it and how far you’ll wait.
Using this method is about you more so than him. This way it’s not a complete waste and you can easily move on. You see what he’s about, so either he’s worth it or not.
Lastly, there’s that “we’re together so what’s the point in waiting” type. What she’s doing is no better or worse than the other two, she’s just not waiting to see what’s the big (or not so big) surprise.
Not waiting doesn’t leave much room for anything. You’re taking a gamble and most of the time you’re chancing a smash and dash. Just because he spends time with you and listens to you doesn’t mean you’re together necessarily. He could be doing that just for the goods, and if you let him win then he just walked off with your stuff. Now what do you have?
No matter what category you fall into or chose to convert to, we’ve all heard the stories of “holding out ‘til you find the right one.”
There are some out there who are still holding, and they own the right to wear pure white on their wedding day (you go girl!).
But does holding out guarantee us “the one?”
From one end we hear, “they’re all the same” and the next we’re supposed to present them the gift of the V on the night of the wedding when there’s a big possibility that he got just as many miles as a ride from Georgia to the state of Ohio…that silly double standard that rules America’s society.
Not that I’m commending sex before marriage, because I’m not. If that’s your life then please lead us to righteousness, but since I know the majority of us are wearing off-white for our wedding day…how do we choose a safe route?
Do we all say, “no more sex ‘til I get a ring” or recognize that we’re going to get what we’re promised anyway so let the panties fly. Where is the guide book—and no I don’t want to read Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man!”
Where’s the real guide? How do we know if he’s right? Because at that moment, they all feel right so can we technically say we held out?…We just didn’t get the ring yet, Mom.
Disclaimer: In no way or form am I condoning sex, nor am I against it. The question of morality is purely subjective and I’m not imposing any suggestions either way.