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Becoming a zombie does not have to mean the end for you

Molly Deaton
Staff Writer

 Now that you have become a zombie, it is important that you understand the different ways people see you, as opposed to a living and normal human that you were once accepted as. Zombies have pros and cons, like everything else. However, the pros really seem to outweigh the cons for the most part, and it does take a little bit of time to get used to the transition. So be patient and give the zombie-transformation some time; you will love it later on.
 Let’s get the cons out of the way before anything else. First, there will be no more shopping for you. Not only will people be absolutely terrified, but the manager might not like  that all of his customers are jumping out of windows to get away from “the monster in the store.” Although it is nice to have the store to yourself, consider shopping online for a while.
 Another con is that it is bad news for any pets that might be in your house. Considering you now have the hunger for anything living (which includes humans, animals, insects, etc…) Sidney, your baby Chihuahua ha,s no such luck of getting fed her usual Kibbles n’ Bits tonight. She will be feeding you; so thoughtful of little Sidney!
  One last con that you have to consider now that you are a zombie is that getting a date is…a little more difficult nowadays. No more walking up to somebody at a bar and starting friendly small talk, unless you want to cause an evacuation of that particular bar (and it would be best to just avoid that altogether.) However, the good news is that there is a new online dating service specifically designed for those who have recently become a zombie. Convenient, right? The sweet, caring people of eHarmony.com have designed a new branch of their very popular site called eharmony-zombie.com. Just click on eHarmony in the “Favorites” of your computer, and there will be a new link on the bottom of the page, titled “New Zombie? Click Here!” enjoy.
 As stated earlier, the pros seem to really outweigh the cons. People, no matter how perfect they may seem,  have a revenge streak in them somewhere; it just takes the right person to pull it out. Sometimes, people will commit vicious little acts against others whot have offended them in the past, like tripping them in the library and making it look like an accident. Now that you are a zombie, you eat human brains for goodness sake! Once the rumor gets around that you have transformed into the living dead (which will not be a rumor any longer after you start walking with a gimp and foaming at the mouth), everyone will either completely avoid you, as to keep their brains, or be so nice to you that you will say to yourself, “Why did I hold a grudge against this angel?”
  Another great thing about being a zombie is that you can get an axe chopped into your head and won’t feel a thing, which is ideal for all you sports players. You can be expecting to play the best game of your life now that you are a zombie because pain will no longer hold you back from that great play you could have had last game but oh, you didn’t want to break your leg. Break it now, you won’t feel a thing. 
Hopefully, these little tips will help you now that you have become a zombie. Watch some zombie movies, like “Night of the Living Dead,” and get a feel of exactly what else is expected  now that you are one of them.

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