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Beaches in Florida. Might as well be renamed "The Spring Break Zoo".

May the Virus End This Month: Celebrations of May

Remember when I said social distancing would end in my last column? Yeah, about that

May is upon us, and either through sheer optimism or bitter denial, I was hoping COVID-19’s curve would be flattened by now. Georgia’s shelter-in-place will be officially over at midnight, but with the number of cases still rising, it’s not looking too good.

Even though we don’t want to admit it, this is our new normal (for the foreseeable future, anyway). Being grateful that I’m still standing, every day is a holiday for me. If you want to get into the spirit, here’s what’s going down in May:

May 1: Mayday: Mayday is right. The coronavirus is still here, except that the cases are still rising, and the shelter-in-place will likely be over. Have you seen Jacksonville Beach and southside Valdosta? We’re officially a petri dish of viral infections. Hope the tan and photo ops were worth it!

May 2: National Life Insurance Day: To the people who aren’t social distancing: if your family members are smart, they’ll take a policy out on you with the quickness.

May the 4th Be with You: If you’re a fan of the Star Wars franchise like I am, you’ll be spending the day binging it on Disney+. Doing it while cosplaying your favorite character is a requirement.

May 5: Cinco de Mayo: Maybe we should swap with this out with another Mexican holiday. I don’t know, Day of the Dead sounds more appropriate for our current predicament in my opinion. However, any day that makes it okay to sip Margaritas is cool with me.

May 6: National Nurses Day: I feel for nurses. They have to all this extra work because some nasty guy in China thought eating a bat would be a brilliant idea. At least their pay grade will finally be on par with doctors. Oh, it won’t? Okay then. You guys can still celebrate by not leaving the house and washing your hands.

May 7: National Day of Prayer: Because God help us if we end up losing our summer vacation over a bat-eater.

Between all that money spent in tuition and fees and that abysmal $26 refund, Class of 2020 truly got robbed.

May 9: Fake Graduation: Congratulations Class of 2020! We should be proud of putting in all of that hard work just to go into the worst job market of all time, be forced into our homes at all times, be robbed from reuniting with our families for the occasion and having that glorious moment of walking across the stage. At least you’ll never have an 8 a.m. class ever again.

May 10: Mother’s Day: Surprise your mother by moving back in with her. It’s inevitable with this economy, so why not make a present out of it?

My favorite “cheat day” meal.

May 11: National Eat What You Want Day: Not like Americans don’t do that anyway considering our dietary choices, but at least you have an excuse today.

May 16: National Do Something Good for Your Neighbor Day: Like stay in the house.

No wonder why there’s barely any cases; there’s nothing in it.

May 22: National Road Trip Day: Montana has one of the lowest of number of cases in the country with 451. I don’t know anyone who’d willingly live in Montana, but we don’t really have a lot of options now. Pack your bags.

May 25: National Memorial Day: What perfect timing…It’s not just for the veterans anymore that’s for sure.

May 31: National Smile Day: If you’re still alive by this point, smile. To totally misquote Dr. Seuss, “Don’t be sad because it happened, smile because it’s over.”

To read more of my “National Days” column, click here.

Written by Malia Thomas, Entertainment Editor. Photos courtesy of Flickr.

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